Sweet Queen Read online

  “I’m gonna be a dad. That’s why we aren’t diving anymore and that willful woman over there didn’t tell me she was pregnant until we landed or else we wouldn’t have jumped today.”

  He raised his voice at the last pronouncement so he could be heard across the clearing, which earned him a tall middle finger salute from his loving wife. She looked radiant as Shelli snickered beside her but even her pregnancy glow couldn’t outshine her best friend. At least not in Cal’s eyes.

  “Congratulations, man. You guys are going to be excellent parents. Andy is going to be beside himself.” He chuckled at the thought of the giant, goofy dog with a baby. That was going to be too much for any of them to handle.

  “Oh my god, I didn’t even think about how cute Andy is going to be with him, or her I guess!” Shelli giggled as she opened the front passenger door of the truck for Mina and then crawled into the back seat herself. Cal walked around to the opposite side to climb in beside her, but just as he passed by Victor, the other man reached out and grabbed his arm.

  “I didn’t get a chance to say anything in all the excitement but don’t think I didn’t notice that giant new hickey on your throat.” Ugh. Busted. That little minx new exactly what she was doing when she made her mark. He guessed it was payback for leaving his own the first time they met. He smiled with a little satisfaction at that, not bothering to hide his mirth from his friend.

  “Yeah, I know that look. I’ve worn it myself a time or two. But I’ve got to tell you, brother, if it isn’t serious for you with Shelli, then you need to let her know here and now. I’ve never seen her this happy and I don’t want Mina to have the stress of taking care of her when this thing goes south. Those two are thick as thieves and I can guarantee you, if you mess up, you’ll have hell to pay from her, if not from me.”

  Victor searched his eyes seriously, holding him still with his gaze.

  “If I’ve miscalculated this and you’re serious about her and want forever beside her, then I’ll be the first one to welcome you to the family with open arms. But until you’re ready to make that step, you need to make sure she knows your intentions clear as crystal. You got me?”

  “I’ve got you.” He tried to breathe all of the seriousness in his heart into his tone. Shelli would never ever be a joke to him. She was worth so much more than some short fling. She was the kind of woman you dedicated a lifetime to and for him, the timing just wasn’t quite right. He was going to have a hard conversation coming his way.

  Victor nodded, accepting his sincere acknowledgment before he hopped into the truck to head home and Cal followed. The drive felt so much longer the next time around and as they neared the hangar, he began to dread what was coming.

  He never wanted Shelli to be sad or upset, but he especially didn’t want to see the disappointment in her eyes, the loss of respect for his character, his word. Nipping this in the bud quickly was the only way they would have a chance at a secure foundation for a future together, and he hoped she would realize that.

  When they parked at the hangar, Victor lifted Mina out of the passenger seat, carrying her high up his chest and carted her off toward their house, Andy loping at his heels.

  Cal turned to look at Shelli, her bright, joyful gaze making his heart twinge. He didn’t want to take any of that away.

  “Shelli, can I talk to you for a minute?” Her brow furrowed a little but she nodded. He dropped the tailgate of the truck and pulled her up beside him, their legs swinging back and forth a bit as they settled into a slightly tense silence.

  “I’m going to have to go back to work in the next two days and once we’re into river season, I’ll be guiding all day every day. I’ve enjoyed every minute we’ve had together so far and I think you have too.” He looked over at her, seeing a deep blush pinked her cheeks as she no doubt caught a little highlight reel of their escapades in her mind. “It has been pretty nice.”

  “I want more time with you, but I want it to be quality time. I want to build a relationship with you, something that you deserve, something lasting. I worry that if we try to start this now, it will only end in me disappointing you when I can’t give you the attention I want to.” She went quiet at that. Her spine stiffened a little, and she pulled her hand gently away from where he was nervously caressing it on his lap.

  “I understand.” Her eyes were down, not rising to meet his. He gently tipped his hand underneath her chin. She had a light sheen of moisture over her eyes, leaving them a glossy emerald green he was sure would haunt his dreams for the next few lonely months.

  “Hey, baby girl. This isn’t goodbye, this is just a pause. I want to have the time to court you right.” He was a little corny on purpose, just hoping for a hint of a smile to tie him over until he could give her everything. She sighed deeply, wearily as if she were much older than her actual years.

  “I understand, maybe it was a little too good to be true anyway.”

  He couldn’t leave it like that, couldn’t leave her when she looked so weary. He pulled her over to sit across his lap and held her close. She melted against him, just like she had each and every time their bodies came into contact. There was something undeniably magnetic between them from the start. He tipped her head back, caressing her cheek with his thumb as he placed a gentle kiss against her lips, tasting and caressing them with his tongue before she opened up for him fully. Knowing it would be their last kiss for some time, he relaxed into their embrace, immersing himself in their connection.

  When he broke away, he settled her up against his chest, kissing her softly against her silky auburn hair.

  “Get ready, baby girl, the next time we’re together like this it will be the beginning of forever.”

  9

  Two Months Later

  Shelli bent low, stretching her arms long and then crossing her hands to cup her elbows, swaying gently back and forth. The morning sun was pleasantly warm against her back and a cool breeze kept sweat from beading up around her brow.

  “Alright, ladies. Let’s step it back into one more downward dog and repeat our last flow.”

  Pulling her muscles tight she led the group of Honeys through their next steps, stretching her endurance to the limit as they neared the end of their hour-long session in the courtyard. She absolutely lived for these morning sessions and over time, more and more of the other Honeys showed up to for her lessons. Practicing yoga was originally a solution offered up by her therapist and while the calming flows had helped her recuperate some of her mental stability in the last few years, she also greatly enjoyed how revived the practice made her body feel before she began her day.

  “Okay, nice work, ladies!” She turned down the soft melody playing over the speakers in the courtyard and straightened, facing everyone at the front of her mat. “Now we’re going to practice tree pose before we move on to savasana, I know that’s your favorite, Izzy.”

  Shelli was pretty sure Isabel only rolled out of her bed for yoga to show her support. She only came out about once a month and she always huffed her way through the breathing exercises thanks to all the cigarettes she went through like candy. Now that she was trying to quit to keep the air quality up around Mina and soon, around her baby, maybe she would become a weekly regular.

  Shelli began talking the ladies through the coming pose, walking from mat to mat at first to help each girl get her balance right. She laughed when she came to Mina, who looked woefully frustrated, her tiny round baby belly peeking out from her tank top.

  “Mina, I hate to tell you this but you probably won’t get this one if you haven’t already. At least, not for a while,” she amended when she noticed an ornery streak in Mina’s eyes. “Pregnancy throws off your equilibrium and your center of gravity so this move might look simple but it could be next to impossible for you to perform until after you’ve had the baby.”

  Mina rolled her eyes dramatically and dropped effortlessly onto the mat, she was still in great shape, despite her balance. “I’ll be here, ready to sa
vasana when the rest of you get on my level.”

  Shelli chuckled and returned to her mat to get into tree pose with the rest of the class before she moved them on to their five-minute meditation. She planted her feet in the soft, squishy fabric and pictured herself standing tall, grounded and firm. Controlling her breathing she began to slide the arch of her right foot up her left leg while envisioning growth and regeneration. This pose in particular helped her visualize her recovery over the years and eventually she mastered the graceful ascent up her leg. Except, she apparently had not mastered it today.

  Just as her leg made its way closer to the top of her thigh, she pitched almost violently to the right. Catching herself quickly with one hand down, she straightened and reset on the mat, smiling politely at the other women as she went.

  “That’s the magic of tree pose, it’s more about mindset than skill and even when you think you have it completely mastered, it can throw you for a loop.”

  When she began the process again, she made sure to completely clear her mind, even the lingering thoughts of her time with Cal were pressed back from the surface, leaving her with a clear, pure conscience ready to perform her task. Performing the pose again, she switched to the other side, dragging her left foot up her right leg, she slowly brought herself closer to the pose, grazing her ankle, calf and the knee, but just as she moved closer to her thigh, she lurched to the left.

  Mina sat up from where she’d been watching on her mat. “Anything you want to tell us, Shells?” The other woman eyed her shrewdly, as if trying to see answers written behind her eyes.

  “I must be off my game today, that’s all.” She shrugged it off as if every day tree pose presented her with vast, indefinable challenges — it didn’t. “Let’s get into savasana everyone and I’ll put on a guided meditation for us.”

  She lay down quietly, still able to feel Mina’s eyes on her from across the room. She tried to flatten her back further to the mat, concentrating on her breathing, a slow stable sound flowing out from her nose. But on the inside she was a riot of wild thoughts.

  Was something seriously wrong with her? Did she have some bizarre balance issue? She ran her hands subconsciously down to her stomach, trying to count how many days had passed since she’d last seen Cal. It felt like it was just yesterday he’d had to return to work and left her behind.

  Shelli knew going their separate ways was the logical, mature choice to make for two people living lives opposite one another, but she couldn’t help missing his rough warm hands, his calming dominant touch. She sighed, letting the floaty feeling of their mediation fill her as she counted back the days as if they were sheep.

  One day, two days… she felt herself seamlessly drifting and counting until she hit day sixty-five and then she launched up to a seated position on a gasp. Sixty-five days? Sixty-five freaking days? She felt a little panicky as she looked out across all the other women finishing up their meditation with eye masks on. She cataloged all the things she knew about pregnancy and began matching them up with the way she’d felt the past month. Sure she’d been tired but who wasn’t? Everyone had weird, late-night cravings, right? The stomach bug she had that lasted two full weeks? That was just going around, wasn’t it?

  It felt like the whole world was spinning around her head in a fast, spectacular light show. She should have known, she should have seen this coming. Shelli needed to be sure but she knew she couldn’t face Mina yet. Her best friend would be ecstatic about going through pregnancy together, about their children growing up as friends. Worse, she would know immediately who the father was and want to tell him. No, it was better to find someone else to help her figure out if motherhood was going to be her new reality.

  She packed up her mat, rolling it up carefully and then walked to her house, avoiding Mina’s questioning glances. She walked quickly and efficiently into her room, laying her mat down in its place beside the back door and throwing her keys down in the bowl on the table before she made her way into the living room where she made a call.

  “Tia Rita, I have a huge favor to ask of you.”

  Rita immediately agreed to go in to the store, and Shelli quickly loaded up her SUV with the supplies she would need for the day, planning to meet Rita at her shop. The twenty-mile drive to town was by far the longest, most difficult drive of her life. But as she pulled up to the front door, she wanted to turn her car around and speed back even more quickly than she’d come.

  She walked slowly to the doors, already seeing Rita inside with a grocery sack in her hand. As she walked inside, the other woman immediately met her with a hug that made her feel ten times more prepared, more confident, more loved. Any child who would be able to call Rita their abuelita was in store for years of affection and attention. Shelli wouldn’t be in this alone.

  “Here you go, Shelli, I brought you several different types so you could take more than one. How far along do you think you are?” The question was said gently, without a hint of disappointment or judgment.

  “I think about two months. Between eight and nine weeks.” She hunched her shoulders a little, gripping the sack tightly as she headed to the bathroom door.

  “You shouldn’t need the early detect then. You’re at a good stage and everything is going to be just fine. Think of all the love any child of yours can expect in its life, mija. We will all treasure him or her as we treasure you.”

  Shelli nodded, tears dusting the tips of her lashes as she moved into the room to take the test and wait.

  When she was done, three tests lay on the gleaming white sink in her bakeshop bathroom and every single one of them said the exact same thing.

  10

  Cal

  Water slapped Cal in the face as he dug his paddle deeper into the current, the large inflatable raft carrying 14 high school coeds tilting heavily to the right. He corrected, attempting to steer them further left and out of the path of the largest rocks. The Chama River wasn’t the most difficult body of water to float, but he was committed to keeping everyone under his care safe and mostly dry as they slid across the murky blue waves. His progress was greatly impeded during this trip, however, by a young woman he’d identified as a stage five clinger.

  “Sydney, you’ve got to let go of my arm, else I won’t be able to steer the boat.” The young blonde clenching his bicep for dear life let out an ear-piercing shriek as they crested a swell and dropped back into steady stream of the current.

  “S-sorry, Mr. Cal. I’ll try to do better. I just can’t help it.” The poor girl’s graduating class had peer-pressured her into ‘making memories’ with them despite knowing she couldn’t swim. Unwilling to be left out, she’d joined in on the fun hoping to quickly overcome her petrifying fear of any body of water over three feet deep. The end results were claw marks down his biceps and a pierced eardrum from all of the screeching.

  As she grasped for him again, he kept from reflexively flinging her off his arm only by sheer force of will. “Sydney, if you’re scared grab the side rope but please, please stop gripping my arm like that. I’m trying to keep you safe and I will.”

  This continued on for hours more. Unfortunately, the kids had decided to take the extended float. By the time they returned the students to their campground and filed into the company van to be delivered back to the resort, Cal’s arms were one big mass of red welts and his neck ached from bringing his shoulders up in a high flinch every time the little banshee screamed.

  “Wow, Cal. You look rough. One of those little school kids did a number on you.” Alex, one of the younger guides laughed a bit as he climbed in the van beside Cal. He was tall and lanky, in his late 20s and one of the easier guides to shoot the shit with when they all got bored.

  “That girl definitely put me through my paces. Who knew such a tiny little thing would have a grip like a vice? I don’t think there’s any skin left on either of my arms.”

  Alex laughed at that, settling in to the seat beside him and getting comfortable for the ride back. “I had
most of the basketball team I think. They were rowdy, but at least they didn’t keep screeching and latching on to me like Velcro.”

  “I’m getting to old for this shit, Alex. I tell you, you need to get out while you still can. Don’t get stuck in a rut here like me.” Alex shook his head, and looked at Cal with an odd light in his eyes.

  “No, I think you’re wrong. I’m hoping to be here as long as I’m able. I’ve got a wife and a little girl at home to support after all.” Cal’s head came up at that, surprised to hear the other guide was capable of making that work on their time schedule.

  “If you don’t mind me asking, how’s that working out for you? How do they handle you being gone all the time? Better yet, how do you handle it?”

  “Well, honestly now that the resort knows I’m tied here, they’ve put me on a little lighter duty than I had before. I don’t stay out in the woods as long and they try to make sure I’m home at night. They made the transition pretty easy, I just had to let them know my best schedule.”

  Cal was taken aback. He usually took the same routes every year. He climbed the highest trails, took the longest shifts on the river, continued to live in the combined housing rather than requesting his own place or a housing stipend. He’d honestly never considered his job could be done any other way. He just existed day to day, with nearly twenty years worth of wages in coffee cans in his freezer and a schedule full of long days and lonely nights.

  “You’ve got tenure here, Cal. You’re our best guide. I’m sure they’d be more flexible with you if you ask. We’ve all just assumed you keep taking the hard jobs because you’re a badass mountain man.”

  Cal laughed out loud at that and shoved Alex a little too hard on the shoulder. “Hey, now, don’t go telling anyone otherwise. I like being the grumpy old guy amongst all you whippersnappers. But I do appreciate you telling me about the scheduling, I may have to look into a little lighter duty.”